On Sunday night Hilarities was the place. Orny Adams was the headliner. The Cavs had just swept the Raptors moments before. Just when you thought the night couldn't get any better...the show began. And it did.
John Bruton gives no points for a two-week anniversary. He fears his face fosters infidelity in others. He's from the streets, but the kind that have neighborhood-sponsored flower boxes. Fighting isn't his thing. He reluctantly learned about money at an early age. And sometimes in a drive-thru.
His mom had a lot of different types of money.
Some more painful than others.
You want romance? This is your man.
You like it rough? Turn around and he'll do his best.
John offered racial comparisons for anyone wondering what age was appropriate for having kids.
The differential was considerably larger than we thought! He lightened the racial tension by...haha...just kidding. It's John Bruton! He amped it up a few notches by providing his adoption plans and how they intertwine with certain statistics and practical uses.
He actually did tone down the racial tension at this point. Because there were women to alienate! He then somehow moved right into the gay experimental zone. Then, as quietly and inappropriately as he appeared, he was gone.
Jason Lawhead wasted no time proving that he was capable of racial insensitivity too. But he then went for the warm and loving embrace of Cavs fans and Clevelanders in general by doing a very, very solid impression of a beloved local sports figure.
Spoiler Alert: it wasn't Jim Brown. Jason was just sorry Jim Brown wasn't there to hear it. And I used the word "very" twice to describe his impression for a reason.
It was pretty dead-on. Jason feels like the answer to the Browns' draft problems are simple to fix. Not necessarily possible, but simple. Did you want presidential sports impressions? Because if you did, this is your guy. He's definitely not a comic that relies too heavily on his impressions, but if the glimpses he provided Sunday are any indication, he could. He loves the Indians but he realizes that Chief Wahoo is not our biggest political issue.
Maybe he is over-worked. Maybe he had other issues. But this is when Jason turned on us all. Or so he would like us to believe. He playfully attacked the crowd for lacking energy. Which was funny and ironically...energized the crowd.
Ironically may be the wrong term because it was no surprise to him.
Jason is not new at this. In fact, if you saw Bill Burr recently, you also got a dose of Mr. Lawhead. So you know what I mean. After all, the guy lives in LA now. He like, probably knows Kobe personally. So, yeah. I don't think Kobe hangs with losers.
Standing out was hard for him as a child for several reasons. Like, at least six. His parents had different policies than parents today. More results-oriented than patient. And it's probably best they missed the social media parenting days. For all of us. After all, they have their hands plenty full just dealing with today's hi-tech issues.
Age issues segued smoothly into age differences. And then spiraled darkly from there. Done with the niceties, he then got right to pets and how they too can be made into a racist comparison. And then, soon after that, he left us alone with a guy named Orny.
Let's get this out of the way right off the bat...
Orny is not your everyday name.
It elicits bad jokes from hacky people. So let's get mine out of the way now:
Orny Adams opens an Asian soup kitchen and names it
"Miso Orny". Sorry.
Upon arrival, Orny was presented with some casual douchebaggery from an audience member texting. Have you ever heard the saying "when life gives you lemons, slice up your enemies and pour the juice on their wounds"? Orny has.
So I would recommend acting like I was in one of the best comedy venues in the country, watching a guy like Orny Adams perform. Because if you aren't familiar with his body of work or credentials, maybe being personally chosen by Jerry Seinfeld to co-star in the movie "Comedian" will give you a hint. This guy is the real comedy deal. And then some. He's big time enough that his mom thinks he literally knows everyone on Facebook.
Historical timing is the key to certain afflictions. If fate plays your chronological cards right, it may just work in your favor. He doesn't always know what he likes but he knows what he hates. Immediately.
If I owned a restaurant, I would create my menu carefully or risk enraging Orny.
Millennials beware. Orny is not a fan. Before he could even finish stating that, two such fans responded strangely to his assertion, in unison.
Again, this is not the guy to annoy. He arrived annoyed. It won't phase him. You just become part of the punchline parade. If, as millennials, you even have the attention span for said parade.
New hygiene trends? God bless your snotty stupidity! Allergies? Fight fire with fire! Or something like that. He's been angry his whole life and your happiness is just annoying naivety to him. Age was no object. It was open season. And optimism was the enemy.
By now, Orny has interacted with several audience members and is interweaving their names, outfits and comments into his rolling set. Which is gaining substantial momentum. The audience is beginning to realize just what they are being treated to as Orny's plan to form an elite military unit unfolds. Are pharmacies and Grape Nuts involved in a nefarious kidnapping plot? Absolutely. Make fun of everything.
That's what he does.
Remember those two millennials who chimed in just as Orny was complaining about millennials? They had given up their right to anonymity for the night and were now being artfully included in several jokes.
The crowd was completely on board and fully engaged by now.
Even bringing up Cleveland's not-so-great past couldn't lose the crowd.
He had made an impression. And he had delivered a message: Meat can bring us all together or the sparkly-cake guy can make a u-turn. But either way, millennials are idiots.
Live comedy at Hilarities is a blast!
It is a great venue and the staff is extremely professional. We would like to sincerely thank them for their hospitality.
NOTE: John Bruton is a Cleveland comedian and he co-hosts "Make 'Em Laugh Mondays" at the Grog Shop every Monday night with Nelson Davis and a show called "Step Brothers Lounge" at Brothers Lounge in Lakewood on select Tuesday nights with Brian Kenny. Please check one out.
Support local comedy.
Check back tomorrow to see play-by-play highlights and insults from Saturday night's hilarious AD-HOMINEM ATTACK SHOW at East End Bistro in Birdtown. It was inter-personal cruelty at its absolute finest!!!